So what is Noonday?

I shared with you why I choose Noonday but I wanted to show you what the Noonday Collection really is.

It's about people like this in Uganda ...

          That make jewelry like this.....

                             

                 

 Or women like this in India...
 

Who make jewelry like this.....

 

 

It can be about hosting a trunk show to help someone do this 

                                   

Or just to have a fun time like this

 

                   

 

                            

 Each piece is hand made by an artisan who because of your purchase gets to make a change in their life.

 

Want to find out more about The Noonday Collection and owning your own piece while making a difference to someone else? 

Check out my new website 

             http://amandacollins.noondaycollection.com 

 

Thank you for letting me share a little of my new found passion with you!

                         

     -Amanda
 

A little announcement

I have been writing lately how my heart has been changed. My eyes and heart have been opened to seeing the world more as God wants me to see it. Im looking at things differently. I have started to question my purchases and look at the reason why I am buying something and where it is coming from. I have seen injustice and poverty up close and personal. I have a sweet little boy sleeping in the other room that lived it daily. I have heard the stories in person, seen the faces of these women and thier children. my child and I want to make a change. I have spent some time seeing what direction God is leading me and that is why I am so very excited to share this with you!

                  I have decided to become a Noonday Ambassador!


What is The Noonday Collection you ask?
     Noonday grew out of a dream to aide women in the US a way to add extra income while at the same time creating pathways out of poverty for the vulnerable.  Thus the business of alleviating poverty through entrepreneurship was created. Noonday offers you an opportunity to use your purchasing power to create change in the world {while looking really good along the way}. Your fashion sense can now restore dignity to abandoned women in Ethiopia, empower communities in Ecuador, and create business opportunities for Ugandans. And the great thing about their jewelry is not only are they stunning pieces but each and every piece is hand created by an artisan. Each piece has a person with a story behind it.




By hosting a trunk show, you're giving others the opportunity to do more, to be a voice for the voiceless, you're doing your part to change the world.

My website should be up and running later this week and I hope to be sharing more with you from the Noonday Collection!

  -Amanda





 

Adding a little Love in the Marriage

Through out my little blogging excursions I have found how little people write about how changes in the family really affect the marriage. I can't just sit back and blog truthfully about this journey and provide support to others with out detailing our own journey, including our marriage. So sit down and leave judgement at the door folks.

We are love language people in our home (Don't know what I'm talking about-check it out here at Gary Chapman's Website)  I am a time and touch kinda gal. (head out of the gutter people-touch as in physical contact not just hanky-panky)  Gene on the other hand is a bit of acts of service/words of affirmation man. In other words-NOT RELATED.  I want him to listen and touch me while he likes me to do things for him and say sweet things. My idea of a date is cuddling by a fire sharing our innermost feelings while his is me making a sandwich, bringing him a drink and telling him how awesome he is. See the difference!

And yet here we are love bugs 10 years ago...

When you add another child in the home (whether birth or adoption) the relationship goes on the back burner. You are so focused on taking care of this new person in the family you kinda forget the big person working along side of you. My need of time and touch has gone out the window as 1 we have no time and 2 the time he does have is spent loving on our children and managing all our small projects. So by bedtime Gene has been a human jungle gym and maintenance man for a few hours. The farthest thing from his mind is time and touch- he is ready for some peace and quiet alone. Meanwhile I spend the day providing words of affirmation to my students and regular acts of service to two teenagers (i.e.laundry, food, driving) while simultaneously entertaining, playing and cleaning up after the Little's that after bed time I'm done doing things for others. Which has led to our breakdown of the care and attention to our marriage.

For us, we have been so caught up in just simply meeting the individual needs of four children we ourselves have just stopped working on the marriage and that my friends is a dangerous place! When your not loving your partner thoughts of righteousness and pride get in the way. We (and by we I mean I) begin to judge the actions they make and the feelings of contempt and irritability start creeping on in.

We knew we needed an intervention. When the hanky- panky declines and is replaced by bitter thoughts (and in my case words)  its time to push that relationship to #1. That meant it was time for an honest talk. Now let me ask you, why does it have to be so dang hard to share how you are feeling and what you need to your spouse? As a woman I think we play the F.I.N.E (Feelings Inside Not Expressed) game way to much! Our poor men cant tell what the heck we are thinking because we complain and then when the ask us whats wrong we do the whole "I'm FINE..." or the "Whatever-I don't care". Come on Ladies-  know I'm not the only one here-right!?! We  (I mean I) have to do a much better job at sharing my thoughts and feelings and actually speaking up when I need something. Believe it or not, men really can not read our minds. (Check out Ted Cunningham at Woodland Hills Family Church for his videos on Great Parents-Lousy Lover)

Anyway-back to the pushing to #1...

I called in Operation- Date Night. Just what a marriage needs for a little mini rejuvenation and attention. Since we are still working on our bonding and attachment we had dinner all ready and reviewed our plan with the new little one about 10 times. My parents came to the house to watch the kids so we didn't disrupt the routine too much and they could go to bed when we were gone.

We had the typical rural town date night- dinner and a movie. We went all out and Geno took me to Wendy's (I know- we splurged- I even made it a large-this is what happens when God makes you think about where your money goes) then we saw a movie. What got me was in the middle of our dinner I was sitting across from Gene having a normal conversation starting into his eyes and felt completely at peace and loved. This man was listening and actually cared about my gibber jabber. I don't think we had been able to have a full conversation about nothing in particular in 5 months just the two of us with out being completely exhausted.

I hope that whatever stage you are in your marriage that you are putting time and commitment into it. Life is tough and life as a single parent is even harder. Make time for your spouse and show them a little love! Marriage is work and only grows through daily sacrifice and commitment. In my blog excursion my rockin' fellow adoptive mom at BecomingMichelle is doing a 31 days of my marriage and has partnered with an awesome couple Tony and Michelle on their blog #stay married.  Follow their blogs for further insight into marriage and some awesome note cards (I may have a specific one up on a door night now waiting for a special someone-try to guess which one it is- its in the shape of a donkey...hopefully words of forgiveness fall under affirmation!)


 

My favorite words...

So after a few heavy blog posts I thought I needed to add a little humor to the blog that was started from a  Facebook post by a fellow adoptive mom. Below are a few of my favorite N-isms tht have been created when you have a thick accent, speak little English and have a 6/7/8 year old imagination...

I bring you Amheri-Enghaleish by our very own N

When we first came to America when you asked him " How are you?" His response... I am 7.... Yep- no English speaking here!

He calls PJ's ( get ready for it...)  BJ's. (try explaining that one! Especially at bedtime " Daddy, BJ time"- umm.....)

He calls The television TB.... "Mom, I tb time?"

One of his favorite things to do is to ride the four wheeler out and feed the deer with Gene, except it sounds like this...  "Dad. You go. Beer? Now Dad, on brrrrrr, foot, chom on"

His first week home when you introduced him to someone and you would tell him to say hello he would say  "I ah say, say Hello to teacher, hello" Then I would repeat, just sat hello N (to which he would respond)  "Mommy say, I ah say Hello Teacher? Hello teacher. "

About a month after we were home I took N to Meskerem Restaurant and when spoken to in Amharic he said  "I no no a- speak-ahs Amharic, Mom Engahalesih pees" says my fluent Amharic speaker to
an Ethiopian man!

When he heard a sounds in the woods...

N- "mom-monkey?" ( Walking towards the woods)
Me- "No honey, no monkeys in Missouri"
N -" Missirreeey Mom, no monkey? Giraffes mom?" (Still walking towards the sounds)
Me- " No honey, no monkeys or giraffes in Missouri "
N - " MOM- lion????( looking like- come on, at least that and still walking towards the sounds)
Me- " No N, no monkeys or giraffes or lions in Missouri"
N- "oh MOM oh my goodness...."

But then when in the park...

N- "Squirrel mom, knaww naw ww (pretends to bite his arm) oh my goodness, no no no Mom" *insert finger shaking* And he runs away! Apparently monkeys, giraffes and lions are not scary, but we better watch out for rate man eating squirrels :)

Fast forward on the remote is  "Tuk-a-Tuk-a"and the remote is "The Tuk-a-Tuk-a" 

Our latest word is "foddie".... It is a multi use word that can mean: eat, like to eat, don't like to eat, food, drink or anything related to food.

Seeing the light

   It has been almost a month since I have blogged but it feels like a year. So much she happened and changed in this month and we are finally beginning to see the light. Earlier this month we had some dark days. Our new son was really struggling with change and safety and we were having raw emotions flowing daily. His heart was hurting and this came out in control battles. We felt that for each time we made a step forward he took three steps back. His pouting went back to melt downs that lasted for thirty minutes to an hour over the simplest things. During his melt downs we saw such raw anger and pain that hurt down to the very core of our being. A rage/grief that comes out in full on screaming, hitting/kicking, scratching himself, throwing things. In these times we held him for safety and continued to show him unconditional love. When he was able to calm down and regulate his emotions we would use our words to talk about how he felt and he always wanted to hug and validate our love for him. After a very long weekend of this repeated cycle hours at a time Gene and I took out our Created to Connect book and my counseling skills and dug deep into how to really meet his needs. 

We decided to go back to cocooning basics like we did on day one. We found ourselves instead of thinking of N as a "typical" 7/8 year old boy we continued to remind ourselves how much he has endured and how much transition he is going through so we instead approach him how you would have with a toddler which is where he is emotionally anyway. We only went to the essential places like school and home and an hour of church. We kept him close to us at all times rather then play on his own. We practiced taking turns with the other children and continued to role play and practice social skills and the house cleaning and blogging went to the waist side. We made it a week and a half before having another full fledged melt down. 

                                 

                              Even with the emotional struggle- who does not just want to scoop up 

                                             this little man and giggle along with him! 

        

So now we are creating a new norm. Gene and I take turns as much as. We can with social events and if it is an absolute that we all must go then we have some basic interventions to help him during this transition time. I can only imagine how scary it must be for him to be in a place he has never seen only comprehending maybe 20% ( if that) of what is being said, surrounded by people that don't look or sound like him not fully understanding what is going to happen and when he is going back home because he has no frame of reference for activities. 

Even with these tools he still struggles. We had meltdowns today and yesterday but even still, they were shorter and less aggressive. What we are experiencing is completely normal adoption related trauma and grief that will become less as time goes on. Doesnt make it any easier but I have always wanted to give a genuine and honest account of our journey. One day at a time, one step at a time...

Ready for normal

My blog from a week ago that I am just now posting...time seems to get away from me these days!

Today Marks 7 weeks since N left the transition home. He has been in America for 4 weeks and I am amazed at how well he is adjusting and transitioning. It's still hard and we have our occasional melt downs, sometimes I laugh after them and sometimes I cry, other times I just have a glass of wine and call it a day but overall it is amazing how well he is doing and how much progress he has made in these few short weeks.

I was reflecting today on our adoption journey and I find it fascinating to see how much Gene and I have grown in our relationship with each other, with God and with our family. At the same time I was surprised at my emotions towards my adoption agency and support groups. I do not have any unhappy feelings of our agency and in fact am fairly pleased with their services and their ethics in adoption. But, I have avoided our agencies Facebook page like the plague and I use to once have to monitor it constantly. I had all these wonderful adoptive families that too were close in the journey like us and I have completely stopped contacting them. I feel horrible my i have dropped the support talk and yet at the same time feel so far from it.

(my counselor role is going to shine through here) I think if I look deep enough I am just at a place where adoption kinda took over our lives for the past two years. We skipped family vacations and trips with friends, we took on extra duties and focused on our journey to our son. I am so very thankful we did and know it was necessary but how I feel like I just want to be "normal" again. I don't know if I can really go back there though. I've seen to much and my son has lived too much for me just to ignore this thing called the Orphan Crisis and the epidemic of families being destroyed by lack of healthcare and food. I'm learning more and more about the "true orphan" and it's not okay. Gene has started a book called " When helping hurts, how to alleviate poverty with out hurting the poor or yourself" which has really made us stop and think about missions and the current approach to helping those in need.

So I'm struggling, how do I balance having a normal life where my thoughts are no longer about where I am on the list or how I'm going to prepare for my son and keeping Ethiopian culture. While at the same time remembering all that we have experienced and being open to our specific role in this cause, What can WE do to make sure another child like N never has to loose his mommy?

First few days: Survival

Our very first day home started off magical, all four children watched each other in wonderment as they played and took turns showing N around the house. He loved his room and thankfully thought Jonah was a great big teddy bear of a dog. We tried to keep things low key and relaxed as possible and offered food and drinks to help keep him regulated.

Then we hit hour four and N was done. He no longer wanted to play, he hated any food we offered him and our youngest realized she no longer was the baby and began rebelling. Praise God our two older ones were able to occupy themselves while Gene and I took turns struggling it out upstairs. The next two days were filled with screaming, crying, pouting, grief and sadness. I think there may have been a time or two us adults felt lost and joined in our children's tears. We tried desperately to meet N where he is and continue to set limits in love while allowing him to express his emotions.

You see when a child is an Orphan, they loose thier voice. They don't cry very often because there was no one there to hold them and comfort them. they don't say how they feel because it really doesn't matter and if they have a problem they just deal with it through physical means. We wanted N to find his voice, even if that was (and can still be) a screaming crying voice.

He has lost so many people in his life, he lost his country, his people, his language, his food, the smells and everything familiar in one long plane ride. We did our very best to ease the transition through my extra time in Ethiopia, doing bonding exercises and trying the best we could to meet his needs immediately. But this is only a drop in the bucket in the attachment dance we were doing and the loss he is experiencing.

Our new son has not experienced real boundaries in the past year and a half he lived in care and so being part of a family with loving limits has been hard. Then to add on to that jet lag and lack of communication makes these first few days hard and I mean hard.

We know one day it will get better and we know we love our son and are so very thankful for him. Life right now is know as survival. We are all just surviving, taking one hour at a time, one melt down, one tear at a time. Adoption is not for the faint of heart nor the weak in heart but it is an amazing thing.