I told you back in the first part of October about my struggle with muscle
spams/seizures and acknowledging that I have pushed too hard for too long. If you missed it you can read my blog pot here :SURRENDER
Well, here I am now in the end of November still learning
more about resting in HIM. I wish I could say that I am “better” but I'm not. I
have seen a few specialists and still receive treatment but my seizures are
strong and are still occurring several times a week. Church, work and large groups seem to make it
worse. I try to explain it to people to think of my brain like a computer. When
you open too many windows at once your computer gets overloaded and it crashes.
When I have too many things going on {sounds,thoughts, things to be done} I
crash and my crash is a seizure. 
Some days I get down and I feel hopeless. I worry if this
will ever go away or will I always have this. My life has changed pretty rapidly and I don't do or go to the same things I did before. I'm scared to go out and I'm afraid
of having one in public. It is so embarrassing when it happens. For those of
you who have happened to watch one, they are not pretty and ugh I am one sore
girl! Most days though I try to remain optimistic. I know that whatever happens
God has this. I am going to be okay. In the future I may have to make some life changes or I
may not. Regardless, I am going to choose to trust HIM. After all, I could let
doubt and fear rule my life but ain’t nobody got time foh dat!
Funny thing here. ..The one place I have not had a seizure
is at a Noonday Show. I really think
that is because it is so passionate to me and the Lord allows me to use that as
a way of sharing my love of fair trade and empowerment to others. I can’t do
much but he is allowing me this one thing.
The more I learn about this struggle and my non-epileptic
seizures the more I am astonished at the human brain and its capacity to
re-generate. Like did you know that your brain creates a new pathway each time
it forms a memory or that it has 100 billion nerve cells. How miraculous is it
that God was able to knit together all these tiny synapses and
neurotransmitters to send all the million messages back and forth all at once! Wow- that is like cray cray.
We may not know what is
going on inside my brain that causes it to “shut down” but I am going to choose
to continue to be in awe of it all.
Until next time,
Amanda
