Actors, , musicians, scientists, congressmen, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. All died too soon because of a thing called suicide. It leaves a void where a person use to be. A loss in another's world. And it happens all too often.
Suicide is due to an underlying cause of depression, anxiety or other mental illness. As a counselor, I have worked with this for many years and seen first hand the struggles and the affect. This can be situational like a divorce or loss of a job, but it can also be a chemical imbalance in the brain. You don't choose it and you don't cause it, it simply is.
I know because I too have struggled. Now, I am not going to share my inner most feelings and issues here because:
1.that's something you do with whom you love and trust over a good cup of tea and tissues
NOT on a public blog
2.you are not a therapist
3.they are mine and we each have our own thing we are dealing with.
But what I do want you to know is what it feels like. This is my own experience as well as those I have heard in my eight years of working in mental health....
Anxiety puts you in a place of panic. Things are spiraling out of control and you can't seem to think how to stop it. Life becomes overhwhelming and scary. You can't focus and you can't think and then you just want to explode. You feel like your not you anymore, but you can't figure out how to feel normal again. Every day you struggle to remain calm but things continue to build up. It builds and builds filling you, making your nerves tense,your heart rate speed, your hot and cold and you can't stop the panic feeling welling up inside. You feel so out of control.
Depression feels like a deep sadness in the pit of your stomach. You fake it by smiling and laughing but you really don't want to smile or laugh. Each day is a new task of pretending your happy when you really feel like just crawling in a whole. You begin to loose interest in the things you once loved to do. It's like someone turned out the lights on life and everythg feels dark and lonely. The motivation starts seeping out of you and before you know it, nothing seems interesting. This deep sadness grows in your stomach and begins to take hold. The world is now dark and and you feel all alone in this empty space.
When you are in that place of darkness and dispair you just want out. The weight of the work is so heavy and sucks you down into this black pit of existence. Then you spiral deeper and deeper into this darkness and you feel as if it will never end. You don't want to even keep trying. Your done and you just want it to stop.
This is where suicide indiation rears it's ugly head. You don't want to die, you just want it to end. Your tired of the pain of dispair and the lack of hope. You want it to stop and you want to be done.
It's a myth that if you talk to someone that is contemplating suicide that will cause them to do it. In fact, talking about it can sometimes stop a person from attempting suicide. Most times the person contemplating suicide really just wants to stop hurting and doesn't see any other way.
If you or someone you know is struggling with these feelings. Help them get connected. A therapist, a physician, a pastor. Sometimes therapy can be an aide but other times is may be necessary for medication to aide in balancing the brain chemistry. The key is knowing you are not along and that there are people who love you and care about you. There is a life past this darkness. Group therapy can also be helpful in dealing with these thoughts and feelings. Take some self care steps. Start journaling the thoughts that don't seem to stop. Tell someone. Stop the stigma of mental health. No one chooses to have a mental illness and having one does not define who YOU are it is simply part of your health just like diabeties or cancer. The suicide hotline at: tel:1-800-273-TALK is also another good resource.
Reach out, be Jesus with skin on because you never know what someone maybe dealing with.
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