Growth in the hardest of times

 Sitting here yet again in another waiting room of the emergency room waiting for a surgeon. 

I am reminded of my time with Gene just a few years ago that really was the catalyst to our adoption. My husband went from a healthy, active man to a very sick just barely missed death kinda man in a matter of hours. I watched as he deteriorated before my eyes and would drift in and out of consciousness because his pain was so great. 10 days later I brought him home, being as careful with him as I did when our babies were newborns. 

God choose to use those days to show us how important family is and how precious life can be. It grew us closer and our family has not been the same since. We all had to lean on God and trust in his plan for our lives. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  

            -Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV  

In times like these, where I feel myself scared and afraid and unsure, I am CHOOSING to lean on HIM. I am CHOOSING to trust in his plan. I am opening my heart to what God is teaching us through this. Not at a trial of faith or a justification of our belief. I think God allows things to happen in the world because he set it in motion and we have free will. However, I do believe that he uses those experience to grow us closer to him and allow us to trust him. My anxiety and fear struggle are real. It is HARD, and I mean HARD some days. That darkness peaking through my consciousness. 

But, i had a wise woman once tell me not to long ago ...God doesn't want you to suffer, what he wants is you to trust him. He wants to pull you into a relationship closer with him...

So here I am, drawing nearer to him. Trying my best to stay focused on HIM so I can be there for my husband rather than be consumed with fear. And this song keeps playing in my mind.

An expert from Dennis Jernigan's  It's gonna be alright.  

It's gonna be alright here

If you will let Me hold your heart near

I'll even use your sorrows

To teach You how to love Me

It's gonna be alright, child

I'll hold you really close and tight child

I'll even use Your woundings

To help you know more of Me

Hear Me. I am calling,

"Child, come falling deeper in love with Me."

Trust Me, you must let go

Or you will never know any deeper love in Me

          http://www.dennisjernigan.com